WOW. It is a new year. Almost one month into our new year and I thought I would be going down more on the scale. I have been holding steady at a total loss of 40 pounds since before the holidays. Why is change so F-ing hard. I am having a hard time remembering why I am doing this. I am doing this for me! Part of me thinks that the only way I will every date and fall in love is if I lose weight. SOOO that makes me really hard on myself. I think puts me in a position that I end of self-sabotaging. I need to do it for me not do it so I am lovable. I will not be lovable until I love me. Yes I know that sounds like a dumb ass fortune cookie but I think it is actually true-cheesy or not.
What am I losing weight for:
Wedding and events I usually dread them b/c of my weight. I am working hard now so I can enjoy the rest of the weddings in my future.
I am losing weight so I can feel more like myself
I am losing weight so I can put myself out there to date. At this point I just want to hide myself at this weight.
I want to feel confident doing whatever I am doing like a pool party or things in the summertime and not worry about my weight and how I look.
I want to have more control of what I want to wear and not always feel at the mercy of what fits and sacrifice style.
I want to look good as I get older. I turn 30 in October.
I want more!
Kellie's wedding in July. I want to look and feel good. If there are any cute guys there I want to get their attention! I want to dance and not worry about how I look. I want to get a new dress and feel HOT not just feel like "this is the best I can do"
dating life: I wont date until I feel good about myself and I wont feel good about myself until I take care of myself.
Feel and stay young.
Feel girly/sexy
Feel desirable
Feel like I control my life--food does not control me!
Today I have been overeating. I think it is b/c I hurt my back doing Jazzercise and I am feeling sorry for myself. So I am stopping that NOW. I am going to drink water and cleans tonight to get back on track! I need to make my life what I want it to be!! God help me. Really. I need your help. I can't do this on my own.
THE PLAN:
Tonight--Cleanse and shake if needed.
Tomorrow Cleanse day
Fri--Shake breakfast and lunch, dinner at old Chicago one drink so I do not overeat
Sat--2 shake 1 meal SUSHI night Jazzercise if my back feels up to it.
Sun--2 shakes dinner with Erica Jazzercise if my back feels up to it.
