Beauty

 

What is beauty? That is the question I have decided to ponder as I work to change myself from the inside out. Just so you know I do not know the answer I am just brainstorming. Remember in brainstorming there are no wrong answers. All my life I have thought that beauty had to do with weight and the way one's body looks but as I learn more about holistic health I am challenging this mindset. I think I have always known there is more to beauty but day after day we are bogged down with messages all around us that we are not OK and whatever product they are selling will make us OK.

I think most would agree confidence is beautiful. I know the more I take care of myself (eat healthy, exercise, etc) the more I am myself and am more confident. Today I was working a college fair and a rep said they were disappointed that I would not be at the next fair. That they thought I was so fun and smiley. When I am not taking care of myself therefore not feeling good about myself I am not my smiley fun self. That was a HUGE compliment and I felt beautiful.

My friend wore bright red lipstick on Saturday when we went to brunch that was beautiful. It was not the product but the confidence she had wearing the bright and sassy color. Just a lazy Saturday made more beautiful with red lips.

My grandma Lawrence was very beautiful in the way she loved others. As grand kids after she passed away we argued because each of us assumed we were her favorite. My brother Bob in all his wisdom said that is what made her such a perfect grandma. She loved us to the point that we all assumed we were her favorite. I hope to love people the way she loved.

Instead of looking at the one part of me my body I want to look at the whole picture. I am not sure how to do this yet but I think working on it is half the battle.

Amy 1--Brownies 0

This post is about temptations that are inevitable to come up while trying to make healthy life changes. I am a dog sitter on the side. I typically stay at people's homes and take car of their beloved pet for a night or two and sometimes a week or two. Being March and Spring Break season I am dog-sitting most of the month. Shout out to me for packing up all my healthy foods and taking them to stock the cupboards and fridge. I used to sabotage myself while dog sitting. Using being out of my routine to get off my eating plan. NOT ANYMORE. As I unpacked my goods I pushed the unhealthy food out of the way. I hide it deep into the fridge and put the healthy options front and center. As I went through this process I was was feeling awesome about this great step..... then I saw a pan of brownies with a half of inch of frosting taunting me on the stove top I was feeling defeated before even take a step! I managed to escape the kitchen without eating the whole pan. When I got to work I was g-chatting with my BFF Anna She suggested I put the brownies in the garage or someplace out of sight. I was so distracted by the temptation I did not even think of that (DUH that is what I was doing with everything else). Right when I got back to the house I put them in the oven. Out of sight out of mind! I did it. I finished dog sitting without eating ANY of their tempting foods (fruity pebbles, cream spinach dip, brownies, cookie dough etc). YAY! Now on to the next house. They have M&Ms on hand. Not just any M&Ms but the peanut butter ones! I will admit I did eat those. I had a half of cup with homemade stove top popcorn. I do not feel bad about eating them I actually feel GREAT that I was able to STOP myself with one serving. The is a Christmas miracle in March. I think the biggest thing with treats like brownies and M&Ms is to make them treats--not cheats and feel bad about it. I am ok with eating desserts if I choose it and not just end up with a mouthful of sugar without even thinking. So my take away is choose your battles and ALWAYS have friend and families there to support you in your personal and unique journey. As my wise friend Anna says "I feel bad after eating certain foods but I never feel bad or regret saying no to them." A great gut check "do I really want to eat this or will I regret it later" Eating because you are hungry for fuel is way different than eating for emotional reasons. 

Different

Change is hard and I am really trying to make lifelong changes right now. It is like my whole way of thinking about food is changing. I had a conversation with a dietitian at a friends shower. She essentially said that if people gave up processed foods they would lose weight. It really hit me. To be honest I did not even know what processed foods were. I was so sucked in by "fake foods." Growing up that is all I ever knew. Since meeting Lea the dietitian I have watched three food documentaries over one weekend and read a book on clean eating! I want to move away from processed foods as much as possible (so hard!). Now that I am finally looking at labels for the ingredients I am horrified! Since this change is hard and pretty drastic for me I am doing it in stages so I do not get too overwhelmed. Stage one--I've given up Diet Soda and fast food (the only "fast food" I will do is Chipolte because my research shows they are not so bad if you order the right thing). I am also cutting out ALL FAKE SUGAR and cutting WAY back on sugar. This is one thing I would like to discuss with Lea when we meet to work on my food plan. How much sugar can be a part of a healthy eating plan? I honestly think I am a sugar addict so I am trying to cut it out as much as possible. I am also trying to eat whole foods as much as possible(veggies, fruits, lean protein, beans, nuts, whole grains). I have noticed that since I have changed my mindset and my eating just for the last couple weeks I do not feel as hungry and I feel satisfied. More satisfied than I have ever felt... So many years of eating fake foods. So stage two changes I am going to figure out once I meet with Lea. My BFF Anna and I are on this same journey. Our journeys different but our goals are the same--Life long change! We are both blogging our journey. Her blog is much more entertaining and well written Trust me! Do you have a friend to cheer you on!? If not, get one!

NEW DAY

So I have lost 45 pounds. I have been stalled for a LONG time. SOOO I have decided to start over again. Meaning I am not losing more weight I am starting from scratch. I want to lose 30 to 50 pounds ASAP (3-6 months).

THE PLAN:

ISA. Two shakes per day and 400-600 calorie meal---veggies with each meal.
Cut back on coffee drink. 1 fancy coffee drink per week. Black coffee otherwise.
Apple per day
Almonds

Meal ideas:
Mac and cheese with side salad
Subway
Panera Bread
Big salad
Soup
brioled broccoli
roasted chx
stir fry/brown rice


STAY ACTIVE:
Jazzer 5-7 times per week.

Dark chocolate for my sweet tooth!


When I want to mindlessly eat....REMEMBER take care of myself. Eat when I am hungry stop when I am full. If I am wanting to eat when I am not hungry check myself as far as WHY.

If I eat healthy I will feel good. Look good. etc!

Get rest.
Drink Water
Take time for myself.
Be honest and ok with feelings. DONT STUFF MY FEELINGS
Try new stuff!
Do not focus on the past or the future focus on the present.


Ready....SET....GOOOOOOO!

Change is F-ing hard

WOW. It is a new year. Almost one month into our new year and I thought I would be going down more on the scale. I have been holding steady at a total loss of 40 pounds since before the holidays. Why is change so F-ing hard. I am having a hard time remembering why I am doing this. I am doing this for me! Part of me thinks that the only way I will every date and fall in love is if I lose weight. SOOO that makes me really hard on myself. I think puts me in a position that I end of self-sabotaging. I need to do it for me not do it so I am lovable. I will not be lovable until I love me. Yes I know that sounds like a dumb ass fortune cookie but I think it is actually true-cheesy or not.
What am I losing weight for:
Wedding and events I usually dread them b/c of my weight. I am working hard now so I can enjoy the rest of the weddings in my future.
I am losing weight so I can feel more like myself
I am losing weight so I can put myself out there to date. At this point I just want to hide myself at this weight.
I want to feel confident doing whatever I am doing like a pool party or things in the summertime and not worry about my weight and how I look.
I want to have more control of what I want to wear and not always feel at the mercy of what fits and sacrifice style.
I want to look good as I get older. I turn 30 in October.
I want more!
Kellie's wedding in July. I want to look and feel good. If there are any cute guys there I want to get their attention! I want to dance and not worry about how I look. I want to get a new dress and feel HOT not just feel like "this is the best I can do"
dating life: I wont date until I feel good about myself and I wont feel good about myself until I take care of myself.
Feel and stay young.
Feel girly/sexy
Feel desirable
Feel like I control my life--food does not control me!


Today I have been overeating. I think it is b/c I hurt my back doing Jazzercise and I am feeling sorry for myself. So I am stopping that NOW. I am going to drink water and cleans tonight to get back on track! I need to make my life what I want it to be!! God help me. Really. I need your help. I can't do this on my own. 


THE PLAN:
Tonight--Cleanse and shake if needed. 
Tomorrow Cleanse day
Fri--Shake breakfast and lunch, dinner at old Chicago one drink so I do not overeat
Sat--2 shake 1 meal SUSHI night Jazzercise if my back feels up to it. 
Sun--2 shakes dinner with Erica Jazzercise if my back feels up to it. 

Change. Is change possible?

Since my birthday I have been asking myself if change is possible and what change I would like to see in my life. Change is hard. I think we all know this. As much as we want change and NEED change it takes a lot to get change.
Side note. I am at the car dealership getting my car worked on and in the future I am going to get a loaner and NOT wait. It is really boring. Plus just sitting here waiting for bad news..... Like sitting in a never ending doctor's waiting room.

Ok back to change. I do not want to be anti social holding up in my room watching netflix. So I am saying yes to social things even when I don't feel up to it. I felt convicted about netflix watching one show after another so I canceled it a couple days ago. It is probably better to sleep or read during the times I have been watching gossip girl. I am trying to balance work, social and taking care of myself time. Work is taking a toll. It has been our busiest time of year and it is hard to take time for me or my social life. I have been trying to not let it get me down. I say to myself "try something new" instead of getting mad or stressed I shut my door and pray. I want to do this in all the areas of my life that I am looking for change. In my eating life--instead of walking into the trap of  overeating or eating for any reason besides hunger. STOP myself when I start going down that road and say to myself "try something new" eating has not helped in the past why would it help now? Isagenix works if I do it. Along with the shakes, supplements, jazzercise and the 400-600 calorie meals I need to take care of myself with prayer, self reflection, surround myself with people who encourage and uplift me. I have come a long way since my first post July 5th and I want to keep moving forward. People have been noticing and complimenting me on my weight loss so far. I am down 35 (not including my overeating weekend I am up 2). I am wearing pants I didn't fit into before. I want to be under my next goal weight by the new year. Lord renew my strength and resolve to follow the isagenix program and make changes.

Why I want to lose weight:
Kellie's wedding in July. I want to look and feel good. If there are any cute guys there I want to get their attention! I want to dance and not worry about how I look. I want to get a new dress and feel HOT not just feel like "this is the best I can do"
dating life: I wont date until I feel good about myself and I wont feel good about myself until I take care of myself.
Feel and stay young.
Feel girly/sexy
Feel desirable
Feel like I control my life--food does not control me!

My conclusion:
Change is possible. I am doing it now.

PS

I can fit into pants I have not been able to fit into and I went shopping two days ago with my friend at the outlets. I actually enjoyed myself and found stuff in smaller sizes that LOOOOOKKKKK GREEEEAAATT! Whoooohooooo. IT IS SO WORTH IT!!